5.

And I waited. Still waited. Waited some more.

Memorial Day 2017, my in-laws came to stay with us for the weekend. We were about a month out from our wedding, and it was nice to have a distraction from the planning and craziness. (Full disclaimer: my in-laws are absolutely extraordinary people, and I'm so lucky to have them.) Because of my work schedule, I'm usually awake at 7am on the weekends. That Saturday morning, I rolled over and did what I always do first thing in the morning - grabbed my phone and checked my email.

I had prepared myself for this moment for a while. I wasn't going to see a parent or siblings. Probably just some distant cousin. But it would be a start. I could start finding relatives and names and doing research and find out if there was cancer or ALS or Alzheimer's or spontaneous combustion. I could ask questions and get some real answers. But I really hadn't prepared myself enough.

I had a first or second cousin, and his name is Timothy. More tears, but silent ones this time. I wasn't ready to tell John about this, and I certainly didn't want to ruin the weekend with his parents. He knew I had done the test, and I wasn't really ready to open up about all of this yet. I was scared of being hurt again, just like those people had hurt me in 2011. I was scared I was going to find a similar story, that I still wasn't wanted by them.

I wanted to email Timothy that very moment. I wanted to ask him every question and what he knew and who my people are and where I came from...but I didn't. I hit pause, and I hit it hard. This person may not know I exist, and my appearance could cause a lot of drama. So I waited. I enjoyed my time with my in-laws and I waited. I waited almost two and a half weeks. Every day, I talked out what I wanted to say in my head and what the possible responses could be.

I emailed Timothy and introduced myself. I heard nothing.

Over the next two months, a lot happened. I married the love of my life and enjoyed a beautiful wedding celebration. John and I went on a fairy tale honeymoon. And two more cousins popped up on Ancestry. I emailed both but only heard back from one, and she quit responding after the first email.

While we were on our honeymoon, I read in the adoption subreddit about a person who was on a very similar journey to mine. This person sent an email to a cousin on Ancestry who turned out to be their aunt and within days they had reconnected with their birth family. I talked to John about what I had been doing and asked his advice: should I give it another go? He said he thought it was worth a try, so I sent my version of the email I had found online to Timothy and the other cousins.

On August 1, I heard back from Timothy. And this is where the new chain of events begins.