24.

Another couple months have passed. It feels so good to be in such a different spot than this time last year.

I went to visit Hank and his family for Maura's birthday a month ago. There was a lot of anxiety on my end because John wasn't coming with me and I was staying at Hank's home. Of course, it was one of the best weekends I've had in a while. There was so much laughter, and I love spending time with them. Hank and Maura are fantastic people and my sisters make me smile so very much.

The week after the visit, Maddie dropped on me that my aunt Joan had reached out to Anne's mom. Quick recap: Anne's mom and my aunt Joan were good friends. When Anne revealed she was pregnant, my aunt and uncle suggested my mom and dad adopt me. A few years ago, Aunt Joan had a falling out with Anne's mom, and they haven't spoken since. The day that Maddie told me about this, she also dropped the bomb about her having a serious health scare. She decided to cap off the conversation with how much Anne's mom and dad (who has passed) would love to meet me. Cue the anxiety and panic.

A week or so after that, I get two facebook messenger messages. One from Harry's step-mom Amy and one from Harry's real mom. One wanted some information, the other told me that more family members had been contacted and now know about Harry, Rebecca, B, and me. I can't say more than that until you've read post 19. Maybe one day...

So I've been stewing on all of this for weeks. People keep saying "Anne will come around", "her family will want to know you", "maybe they just need time", and so on and so forth. I don't do suspense; I am not a patient person.

I went on facebook, and sent Chris, Anne's little brother, a friend request. I then promptly went to take a nap because it was the only activity where I couldn't constantly check facebook. He accepted during my nap. Ok, now what? I guess I send him a message, because he probably has no clue who I am.

"Hi. My name is NewN. Your sister is my biological mom. I was adopted by Joan's brother. I don’t need anything - I have a job a house and a husband and I’m in good health. Over the past two years I started to try and find out my biological history. I have met my biological father and his family, and we have a really good relationship. Life is pretty great! But all this time, people have told me that your family doesn’t want contact with me. That is totally understandable and I’m fine with that. But I’ve been wrestling with the fact that I haven’t asked you all. I am sure that I don’t bring back any happy memories for your sister and mom, and I know your dad passed several years ago. I’m sorry to hear that - my mom and dad tell me he was a really nice man. I just wanted you all to have a say. I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to do anything. Like I said, I have everything I need - lots of good family, a nice home, a stable job, and a loving husband. I’m totally taken care of, and I don’t want to cause drama. I just didn’t want to go off someone else’s word about what you all want; that should be up to you. Uh anyway, this is pretty awkward to write, so I hope you and your family are well. Happy random holiday!"

He responded with an angry face emoji a few minutes later. So I guess I have my answer?

A year ago, I would be a mess in a puddle on the floor. Today, it stings, but my head is like "whatever". There is still so much about this situation I don't understand and I can't wrap my head around. But I'm going to get up, put pants on, do my job, and live my life. I can't control anything except my response to this. I wanted to write it down and get it out of my head.

So let's look forward. Hank and Maura are coming to visit John and I in a few weeks, and I am over the moon excited about that. John and I are going to visit Rebecca for a weekend a few weeks later, and I cannot wait to see her. I have a wonderful, yet large and strange, family who I love immensely. I'm going to be ok.