There is a LOT that has happened. I'm going to have to split it into two posts.
First of all, if there is anything you learn from this blog, is that there shouldn't be any secrets in families. They are hurtful. Yeah, telling the truth can be hard, especially when you don't want to hurt the people you love. But if you have hurt them, tell them so the healing can begin.
A littler reminder: Back in post 6, I introduced Timothy's mom. Her name is Karen. Karen and Chip are Hank's biological parents. Timothy and Hank are half brothers; Karen is their mom, but they have different dads. Onto the tale...
A while back, Hank called me with a story that he had to tell me. John and I had just bought our new home and my best friend and her son had come over to see the place and celebrate with us.
He told me that there was a distinct possibility that Chip wasn't his dad. When Hank was super little, he said that Karen wasn't totally faithful to Chip. Hank was pretty upset about this; in fact, he never refers to Karen as "mom" - that title goes to Amy. He hasn't even spoken to Karen in several years.
I just see this as another piece of information, and I tuck it away. I have thought about it on and off, but it just was a little echo in the background. Then one day it dawns on me that I am going to solve this mystery for Hank. I have the DNA test; we should have answers.
Since I am planning on visiting Hank and family soon, I was in contact with many of the family fairly regularly. One day, Amy and I were discussing the trip, and I realized I had an opportunity to ask her some questions. Chip has done genealogical research and DNA testing, so I asked her what research he had done. He did the same ancestry test that I did - only I was 100% sure that he wasn't one of my DNA matches.
I began scouring my family trees, my DNA matches, their family trees - there was so much information! I started moving through the list, labeling the people I knew. "Hank's family - Karen's side", "Anne's family", and I was reserving the label "Hank's family - Chip's side" when I figured it out. What was I missing?
After a while, a pattern emerged. There was a link of people with the same ethnic background that didn't seem to be related to Hank or Anne. I started connecting dots wherever I could find them, and I finally found a relative about 6 generations back that everyone shared. This ancestor had more than a half dozen children. I started linking those children to different DNA matches, and I was left with 3 holes. I started researching as far as I could towards the present day, but I kept hitting dead ends.
The last name was pretty unusual, so I started googling as much as I could. I finally found a list of family members and I started cross-referencing that list with who I already had figured out. I decided I would just research all of the names that I didn't have information on already. As I was compiling a list, I noticed a man named Bobby who had died early - he was only 29. A little searching told me that he died after complications from a simple medical procedure. A little more searching, and I found a family tree for him - that was originally created by Karen.
Chip isn't Hank's dad - Bobby is.
I texted Maura about what she thought I should do. Hank is fairly shaken up by all of this, so she thought it was a secret I best kept to myself. But, if I was going to tell him, I should do it face to face. I decided that it was his choice to know, and if he didn't want to know right now, that is his choice. I would keep it to myself.
Hank video calls me that night. I am talking to him, Maura, and Rebecca. It is our first video call ever. It was less awkward than I had thought it would be: in fact we had a lot of fun! When Maura and Rebecca moved to another room, Hank asked me who he was related to. Did Maura tell him??
Turns out that Maura's tablet (which is connected to her phone) was going off while she was at work and Hank read all of our messages. His choice was that he wanted to know. I made him confess to Maura (NO SECRETS!), and she and Rebecca braced with Hank as I went through the story.
As I got to Bobby's name, I said, "So it turns out that I think your father may be this Robert Smith guy." Just as I made that statement, Maura and Hank turned to each other and said "It was Bobby."
Later on, I found a picture of Bobby. Hank and I both look a lot like him. Hank doesn't like his ears, but we are both stuck with them!
When I found Karen's family tree, I contacted her with the question of who is Bobby? Her response was that she didn't want to talk about it over messenger, would I call her?
We finally talked on the phone, and she was heartbroken. Bobby was her first love - starting in middle school. They dated, but lost touch when he went to college. After Karen and Chip got married, she was very unhappy. She and Bobby had a brief affair, of which Hank was the product. Karen felt (and still feels) immense guilt. She cared for Chip a lot, and she even said that Chip is a fantastic dad. Chip has raised Hank his entire life - Karen chose to walk away because of the immense guilt she feels. (Disclaimer: I'm sure there are many more feelings and much more to that story, but that is what I heard from her.) Bobby died early, and Karen knew Hank was his son; they look too much alike. She told Maura the secret several years ago because Chip had said he wanted Hank to take a DNA test. Not that anyone thinks Chip suspects anything, but Chip is really excited about genealogical research. She didn't want Chip to find out like that, and she didn't want Hank to find out like that.
She also wanted me to know the story because I leave tomorrow to go meet all of them.
