4.

I met my husband in November 2005, at a Cosby sweater party. At least, that was what we called them in college; I think that name has lost its "PC" value now. He was charming and cute, but he thought he was a little bigger than his britches. I liked him, but I didn't like him enough to date him seriously. We always had a good time when we went out on dates, and that's what kept him in my memory.

I married and divorced my first husband within a year. We tried having kids together, and I'm grateful every day that we weren't successful. When I was divorcing, everyone told me how "easy" I had it because we don't have kids or a house or any common property. Easy was not the word I would choose for a divorce. I don't hate my ex-husband; I don't even harbor any negative feelings for him. He and I are both so happy now. We just weren't right for each other. If he ever reads this, I hope he knows how grateful I am to him for the 5 years we were together, for all the laughs, and for all the support. Because of him, I grew so much and I found true happiness because of the pain we caused each other.

My first husband supported me through that first adoption trial. My second husband has been my rock through the second adoption trial. John and I started dating in 2013. We had been talking and catching up for months, and he lived several states away at the time. On our second first date, he took me on a whirlwind adventure around his city. As we sat in the sunshine on that second very first date, I knew I was going to marry him. John has changed how I see myself. He has helped me to get out of debt and love myself for who I am. We have traveled the world together, and I'm so excited to see where life takes us.

John asked me to marry him on a beach in Naples, Florida in April 2015. I married John in June 2017 under a bright blue sky with our parents and siblings surrounding us. I've never been happier.

John thinks of himself as a cinema buff. He took one film class in college and now he has an opinion on every movie. (Full disclaimer: I've watched and enjoyed a lot of movies with him that I would have never considered without him.) John is also a cigar snob, coffee snob, flannel snob, whiskey snob, and wine snob. I think it is adorable and he has taught me a lot about coffee and wine, so I really can't complain too much.

In March of 2017, we watched a movie called Lion. It is about a boy in India who falls asleep on a train and wakes up hundreds of miles away from his home. He is put into an orphanage and adopted by a foreign couple. After many years, he remembers his life before his adoption, and decides to try and find his family, no matter how hard it may be. He succeeds, and the credits show the real boy and the real pictures of him from his adoption to his very happy reunion.

I cried a lot during that movie. I cried because it hit home. I cried because the story was beautiful. I cried because it could never be my story. I cried because Nicole Kidman and David Wenham reminded me so much of how much I was loved by Bernie and Maddie. I cried because some of the awkwardness in the initial adoption scenes reminded me of those awkward first weeks after the adoption revelation in my own life.

After that movie, I decided that I was going to get my answers. I had enough with the unknowns. I wanted some "knowns". John and I might one day decide we want kids. At the moment, we don't, but if I have learned anything, it is that life can change in an instant. What surprises were in store? I also have had a lot of strange health issues from gall bladders to reproductive concerns. Why? What was causing these?

Thanks to the Adoption subreddit, I was able to find some good information about genetic testing. I ordered an AncestryDNA test kit, and spit into a tube. And then I waited.