17.

I hadn't told Bernie and Maddie anything since the letter incident. Even though Hank and I had been talking on a fairly regular basis, and I was also talking to Maura, B, and Rebecca a lot more, I hadn't mentioned anything to Bernie and Maddie.

The last thing in the world that I want is to hurt them. Bernie and Maddie are my parents, period. They raised me. They took me to the doctor each and every time I had an ear infection. They took me on vacation and treated me like a princess. They made sure I had good grades and helped me with my homework. They rushed me to the hospital when I got 2nd degree burns. They hugged me when I cried. They disciplined me and grounded me when I was a horrific teenager. They paid for college and traveled all over with me to find the best one for me. They held my hand and helped me move countless times. They paid for a beautiful and very expensive wedding, and they partied the weekend away with me. They (quite literally) picked me up off the floor when my first husband left me. They travel up to see me, even though we are very far apart, a couple times a year so we can be together. They have celebrated my victories and helped me through my defeats. They are my parents, even though we don't share any blood.

But Hank and his family are becoming more like family, and I don't want to hide that from my parents. John and I also decided we are going to go meet them this summer.

After a lot of discussion, John and I both decided it would be best for me to tell them in person. I booked a flight to go see them on Memorial Day, and I (successfully) kept it a secret from Maddie until Mother's Day. She was elated. I haven't seen them since the debacle at Thanksgiving, and we didn't exactly part on the best of terms.

The more I thought about telling them, the worse I felt. I didn't want to hurt them again.

Hank and I have become pretty close. In fact, he and Maura have read this blog a few times. (Hi!!) We are still working through a lot of craziness and past BS, but I like talking to him. We are both really excited about finally meeting face-to-face, and I cannot wait to meet his daughters. Hank and I have talked about how I am not his daughter, and he is not my dad. Yes, we are related. Yes, we are family. But he didn't help me through my struggles and he didn't celebrate my successes with me. We just met! In my eyes, he's like this big brother who went to college when I was a baby and was never close with. I care about him and his family a lot, but he isn't my dad. He wholeheartedly agrees - he doesn't want to replace my parents in any way. He just wanted to know that I was safe, loved, and taken care of.

Even though all of that is the truth, I was still petrified of what I would say to Bernie and Maddie. I was worried about ruining our little weekend together, and I didn't want to be a jerk and do it as I was leaving so we didn't fight. I decided to tell them the weekend before. So I started dreading that weekend instead.

John and I are still "moving in" to our home. Buying furniture and fixing things is a full time job! So while we went to Lowe's 3 times and Home Depot and Crate and Barrel and talked about patio furniture, the looming conversation stuck out in my mind. I was committed - I had to tell them - but I knew I was going to break them again.

I called them that night after we got the patio furniture situated and we were getting ready to grill. I sat outside and chatted on FaceTime with them. They were finishing their dinner. After a few minutes of normal "hey, how was your day" stuff, the adoption came up. I reminded them that I had gotten Hank and Anne's names back in November. They were really quiet; it was the calm before the storm. I took a breath. I told them that Hank had found my contact information, and that we had been talking since February. I stopped - I asked them how they felt about that. Bernie had walked away, so it was just Maddie. She said that was fine. I asked her how she would feel about me meeting him. She said that I'm a grown woman, and if I want to do that it's fine. Then she told Bernie to come over. I told him the same thing, the same way. He agreed with Maddie.

The storm had passed!

I asked them why they were taking this so much better than the letter. Bernie told me that they were so scared of legal ramifications when they got the letter that they sort of "freaked out". But this - they support me. And if I want to meet Hank and his family, that's great. They asked about Anne, and I told them she still doesn't want to know me. And I'm still ok with that. They asked about Hank and his family.

And then Bernie's phone died. Typical. :)

So for now, life is good. I'm going to see Bernie and Maddie on Friday, and I can't wait. B and Rebecca are celebrating their college graduations abroad, and I'm loving following them on social media. I'm sure Hank and Maura will read this and call me, and I look forward to talking to them again. In fact, Hank wants to do a video chat this week - let the awkwardness commence!